Evolutionary Motherhood

by Kathy L. Kirk

Recently I had the opportunity to listen to a talk on the subject of “evolutionary motherhood”. The words intrigued me, as I am a mother and so wondered what they meant. The bottom line is that the very act of being in the role of mother offers one the opportunity of evolving, especially if one is living within the inquiry of that objective – your own consciousness evolution and expansion.

I had never quite thought of it so pointedly, as I see the very act of being in life – grocery store, friendships, travel, listening to the news, dining out, or doing my laundry at the Laundromat – as the constant and ever present opportunity to evolve. Motherhood was and continues to be just another venue for my growth.

However, motherhood might offer a unique opportunity to evolve, since there is probably no relationship that touches us so deeply. I adopted my two sons. At the very moment the social worker brought my older son into the room, my heart burst open so wide with Love that it physically hurt. I had no idea up until that moment that I could love something so much, let alone so unconditionally. Prior to that love was a pale shadow of this Love. Suddenly I was capable of throwing myself in front of a bullet and defending like a tiger, two qualities in me that heretofore I didn’t know I had.

The biggest opportunity, however, was in seeing him as a Complete Being, not as “just a baby”. He came to us on his first birthday, and in two more weeks he was walking and “talking”. Somehow I knew to talk and listen to him as though he were already intelligent and wise. I would ask him what he wanted to do, eat, play with, etc. When he “babbled” an answer, I challenged myself to “listen” not with my ears, but with my beingness. He was a happy fellow, a playmate who had come to remind ME to play with him like we’d planned before we came in. Whenever I might be “out of alignment” with Love and would be cross or short with him, these were the only times he would ever cry, thus reminding me that what he was feeling from me was something less than Love. He was my teacher, and I was aware of it almost from the start. He came to play and love, reminding me to do so.

My second son came in quite a different internal state. He was sickly and upset. This poor little guy screamed 20 hours out of 24 and was not to be soothed. The older one, now 2.5 years old would sit with us the whole of every day whilst I rocked the baby. We petted him, and in all manner of ways tried to soothe this new little one into alignment with Source. “Why baby cry, Mama?” my older son would ask. Beside myself, I was without any idea. Here was my “growing edge”. I had to somehow find my own alignment and well being no matter what this new child was choosing for himself. Indeed, I had to first recognize that he, too, was choosing every moment to be in alignment and reach for feeling God, or not. I promise you this was not easy, not to take this child’s misalignment personally.

This little boy was to have a difficult childhood and youth. At one point his kindergarten principle called me in to have a chat. Around the conference table were 7 – count them – child educators wanting to know what was I going to do about this “difficult” child. It was in that moment – within the inquiry of my growing edge – that I had one of my greatest revelations: each being comes to earth with their own agenda, their own set of intentions. I looked at all the educators who were demanding me to “get this child in line” and was able to respond with a new found wisdom, “He gets the same information, the same attention, and the same Love as my other son. He’s the one who chooses to apply what he knows, or not. I have no control over his choices.” Before that I was embarrassed and felt a failure as a mother because he was so disruptive. From that moment on I knew my job was to love him on his path, whatever he chose, and not see it as a reflection of me. This child had come with his own course to pursue; and if nothing else, it was to overthrow the status quo on making parents responsible for their children’s behaviors, which of course, they never were.

As time went on I became even more intentional in using motherhood to grow myself. I observed others who were given to punitive parenting, which didn’t “feel right” to me. Using this contrast I chose to allow them the consequences of their choices not heaping further punishment for making a “bad” choice. We would sit and talk about the consequences and then, I would try to guide them to come up with at least 5 other ways they could have handled something, viewed the situation, or thought about it. The idea, I thought, was that parenthood should be a safe place for them to practice trusting their own knowing, listening to their internal guidance, and proving to themselves that they create the whole of their own reality. If they got a “consequence” they didn’t like, it was the opportunity to see how powerful a creator they were and to choose again…or at least sit with the inquiry: what would they rather experience?

Of course I had the opportunity to review my own childhood and how I had been parented. I kept the good stuff and felt free to pitch out the rest. I chose a version of being their friend who was charged with the duty to “Remember Who They Really Are” with “veto” power. I learned that you have to be willing to hear what you don’t want to hear if you want them to always tell you the truth. No one willingly tells you the truth if there’s a punishment lurking in the bargain. Childhood confessions have to be met with love, equanimity and the ability to guide them to more expansive, self-reliant and self-responsible thoughts. This I was able to do because from the beginning I saw them as Whole Light Beings with their own Guidance System and not simply as “children”.

I didn’t try to fix their situations; rather I encouraged them to own solutions supporting the idea that they alone had the answer for their own lives. That proved to be another “growing edge” for me, as a mother: to not jump in and make things right, but to allow their situations to unfold, teaching them to look for the Well Being, look for the answers, and to apply them for their own benefit.

Indeed, evolutionary motherhood is what I would hope everyone is up to. However there is one caveat that I will express after doing it all these many years: be very careful not to assert our idea of how life should look and be lived onto them. The most important thing is that we continually encourage them to find what feels Good to them, and reach for that, because we truly see and know Who They Really Are – wise beings.

These two boys are now men ages 28 and 30. They have chosen very different lives. If I have given them anything from my choosing to use motherhood to evolve myself into a higher consciousness being, it is that as my example. They both know that life’s encounters, situations, and circumstances are the result of their choices; and they know they can but choose again and again. Have they picked up everything I would have them be? Of course not. This has been another growing edge for me, to allow them to be – and find – their own way in their own time. I get to hold the space of Well Being for them without doubt or hesitation that they are right on time and perfectly led from within.

Try that on when one is sent on deployment and the other calls you when he’s on magic mushrooms.

Yep. That is evolutionary motherhood, striving to remember that these beautiful Light Beings, masquerading as your children are in connection with Source all by themselves, quite naturally;and any misalignment you might feel is all your own stuff.

Kathy Kirk has led both an ‘ordinary’ and an ‘extraordinary’ life.  At first glance, her background as an entrepreneur and mother living in the Midwest may sound like someone you know.  Yet during the past 25 years she has been developing and evolving teachings and principles to help all people live life to the fullest.  In every activity, her focus has been observing the human Spirit and its interface, application and effectiveness in the individual Life on Earth. 

Her first book, The Earthling’s Quick Start Guide: Master Operating Your Unit On Earth is Introduction to Applied Spirituality written for all people to learn and apply to their own lives.  The book functions as a user’s manual and comes with a complete online, interactive course.  Kathy’s second book, Well Done chronicles owning and operating her successful restaurant, Chelsea Garden, in Solana Beach, CA.  It is as a story of an ordinary life transformed using the principles of Applied Spirituality. The forward of Well Done is written by Dr. Ken Blanchard. 

In addition to her books, Kathy is a contributing editor to Women’s Radio and a contributing writer to Kinetics Magazine.   She writes regular articles for ezinearticles and her two blogs, A New View and A New View of Things for The Cleveland Plain Dealer.

 Kathy can be reached at www.appliedspirituality.com, via email at support@appliedspirituality.com.