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HEALING THE WOUNDED YOU

by Paul Reinig

The company I work for recently moved to a new location. We’re in a nice office building and our break room has a widescreen TV. A few days ago I zapped a Hot Pocket and sat down. “Law and Order” was on. Since I don’t have a TV I found this program intriguing. Actually, riveting is a better word. Great acting and wow, what a plot! A half hour went way too fast and I had to go back to work. As I was walking back to my desk I was feeling grateful to whoever wrote the script for that show. What a mind. Wow! To get the emotions and mystery down to such an extent as to capture the audience, this is a great writer. And those actors, each one no matter what the role, be it prosecutor, attorney or criminal played their roles so well. I silently thanked them all with gratitude and felt nourished.

And so it is that our lives are precisely this. We are incredible script writers (hey, we’re Source so writing doesn’t get any better than what we come up with – we know how to write drama so well!). The play that’s unfolding in front of us every moment is the physical manifestation of our own script writing and I am often in awe as to what I’ve included in my own particular plot.

The greatest thing that can possibly happen to a divine being who has cleverly disguised him/herself within a body is to remember who they are. Knowing I am Source, the script writer, helps me stop resisting all those things I think I don’t want that show up within the daily drama. Not knowing I not only thought it up but then chose to become human so I could literally experience what it’s like being an actor in my own play was hell because so much of what I saw and felt in my world was unwanted. You see, I have a passion for experiencing lots of contrast—not just contrast, but contrast in a huge way. You know, like boy doesn’t just meet girl but when boy and girl meet they experience a collision that causes a love explosion so great that the headlines the next day read, “Unexplained Explosion Leaves Witnesses Filled with Love.” That’s the kind of experience I’m talking about. The only thing is, I never knew this about me. And so, I resisted and fought against life when the contrast was thick, which it often is.

Now that I know what I know, I see how silly it was of me to criticize my own script writing, to get angry at how it was playing out and to desperately attempt to change what I saw going on. Nothing was ever good enough for me. Now I’m beginning to get it. Life consists of a bunch of human actors playing roles I thought up and asked them to participate in!

You might be thinking, if I wrote the script, then I should be able to re-write it, right? The answer is, absolutely! However, who is it that wants to re-write the script? You see, once I began accepting that I am the creator of my script, something interesting began to happen. I started realizing that in the past (over many lifetimes), each time I resisted the contrast and consequently felt some form of emotional pain, I was literally creating an aspect of me that became stuck in the particular emotion that was dominant at the moment of pain. For example, once upon a time I dared to love but when the object of my affection betrayed my trust, I got stuck there. My anger and desire for revenge was off the charts. Thus, on an emotional level, venturing forth into another relationship was out of the question. When I did get involved in one, I couldn’t get past those stuck emotions so of course the relationship broke down. In another example, somewhere along the way I came up with the notion I was an unworthy sinner and the only way to receive God’s love was through denial of pleasure. I chose to live in poverty, loathing my bodily desires for food, comfort, and sex. I created a tremendous amount of aspects that wouldn’t dare indulge in these earthly delights. Because of my belief, to even consider doing so caused fear, guilt and shame. Unfortunately, because I thought I was unworthy of pleasure, that’s where I became stuck. Like you, all I’ve really ever wanted was to feel good. However, when I began indulging in such bodily pleasures, my stuck emotional aspects would pop up. Since I didn’t remember who I am, I identified with them, causing the fear, guilt, and shame to increase. This also reinforced my belief that I wasn’t worthy of feeling good and so that continued to be my experience.

One day it occurred to me that I may have wanted to feel good but I had a lot of aspects that had other ideas. For example, some wanted revenge; others preferred to wallow in self-pity. Some were only comfortable in lack while others wanted to manipulate people for their own gain. The list seemed endless. It dawned on me that my aspects have been hurting with no place to go for comfort yet all they ever wanted was to be understood and accepted. That’s when I realized my aspects and I (the real me) all needed to agree on what we wanted before I could create anything I thought I wanted. I also realized for agreement to occur, all these stuck aspects within me needed to be integrated with I and the only way possible for that to happen hinged on my remembering who I am.

This began a process of integration that has caused my heart to expand tremendously. As I remembered and identified with the compassionate lover that I am, my aspects all began to feel safe that if they showed up with all their frustration, fear, anger, guilt, shame, revenge, sadness, unworthiness, and so forth, they just might be accepted. For the very first time they started feeling someone cares about them. I began telling them that I’m the God and the lover they’ve been looking for. They must have heard me because some deeply wounded ones showed up. I felt abandoned, as though the life had been completely sucked out of me. I allowed these emotions to be. I began to sob. Breathing deeply, I embraced them, welcoming them home. The stuck energy these emotional aspects had been carrying was released when they came home. This energy was now available to serve me in a more productive way such as, in support of my script rather than in opposition to it. That means I had lots of energy I never before to invest into creating what I want rather than resisting what I don’t want. In other words, some of my aspects began to agree on what I really want, making the choosing a bit easier because there was less resistance within.

The key in this process of integration is when a hurting aspect shows up, it needs to be experienced fully—pushing it away even the slightest bit only holds it at arms length. The real you must fully feel and embrace the pain in order for true integration to occur. Carrying such heavy aspects had me spaced out and in conflict all the time. Welcoming them home is changing all that. Many of them have had no need to act out any more because they feel safe. This is a process of creating a safe space within you and that can only occur when you remember who you are. Otherwise, when the aspects show up, no one is home to welcome them. I spent years in therapy and got in touch with lots of pain but never did I understand that it was I that needed to heal my aspects.

As this process continues my gratitude grows stronger every day. I have learned that true love is saying yes to every experience bar none. What a relief it is to know that all I need to do is choose love and compassion and everything else takes care of itself! The play that’s unfolding in front of me is starting to look more like what I know I want. Script writing has never been more fun!

Paul’s life experiences have given him a wealth of awareness and understanding regarding the human condition. He is the author of the book, “A Grand And Glorious Adventure”, the CD “Developing a Relationship with Yourself” and teaches seminars on “The Divine Melding with the Human”. For more information visit his website: www.JustBeWhoYouAre.com or e-mail him: justbewhoyouare.paul@gmail.com