An Interview with
MALLIKA CHOPRA

Author Mallika Chopra

Our feature interview this month is with the beautiful and talented, Mallika Chopra. Mallika, daughter of Deepak Chopra, is a rising star in her own right. She is a graduate of Brown University, and has an MBA from the Kellogg Graduate School of Management. No doubt, this marvelous education helped to prepare Mallika to face the challenges of life in the real world. Yet, in her personal life, memories of the loving and secure home her parents provided, during her childhood, inspire her to do the very same, for her own family. As the wife of Sumant Mandal, for more than thirteen years, she has become the devoted mother of their two beautiful daughters, Tara and Leela. In all ways, Mallika exemplifies our image of the ideal modern woman. At this point in her life, although sometimes overwhelmed by all of the demands on her time, she definitely has it all!

Mallika is an empowered young leader, holding a broad-spectrum and enlightened vision, for her generation as well as for the world, at large. Many years ago, I enjoyed the distinct pleasure of interviewing her father as he was busy promoting his book, The Return of the Rishi. That was more than a dozen years ago. And today it was an absolute pleasure to speak with his beloved daughter, who is carrying on the family tradition, of shining the light of consciousness across our blessed planet. She is a partner in Chopra Media, which develops television programming, film concepts, and media products. Mallika is also the creative force behind Intent.com, where she is realizing her personal intention to connect with others by sharing and listening to each others stories. Adding to her numerous achievements, Mallika has authored two extremely popular books, 100 Promises to My Baby and 100 Questions from My Child.

Kathryn: Good morning, Mallika. Thank you so much for taking time to share yourself with Kinetics Magazine today. I can only imagine how busy your days must be…

Mallika: Oh, I’m honored. Thank you so much.

Kathryn: Well, you know, this month’s theme for the magazine is Motherhood. And of all the things you have going on in your life, motherhood is what I’d like us to concentrate on today. So, I’ve been reading your two books, 100 Promises to My Baby and 100 Questions from My Child, and Mallika, I can’t tell you how many times I had to stop reading to dry my eyes. Your writing is so heartfelt and eloquent. As a mother of six children, I so embraced and was deeply moved by everything you had to say.

Mallika: Oh my gosh, six children! Wow, now that is amazing!

Kathryn: Yes, you’re right. It is even more amazing looking back on the days when they were all at home and things got a little more than hectic with the constant activity! But it is all much easier now that only three of my children are living at home and my baby, Adriana, is fifteen. Yet, I’d have to say that every sleepless night and gray hair was worth it! I would not have missed one minute of it all. My children are exquisite!

Mallika: I totally applaud you. That is truly quite an amazing accomplishment.

Kathryn: Well, thank you. Please tell me what inspired you to write 100 Promises to my Baby.

Mallika: Sure! Well, as you know I grew up with my father being a well-known author, and therefore, I was constantly surrounded by very interesting people. People who were going on their own journey of self-exploration. Yet my brother, Gotham, and I were never really into that world.

Kathryn: You were just kids being kids!

Mallika: Yes, thank you, exactly. We were kids! But I think when I discovered I was pregnant it was a truly transformative moment for me. I suddenly realized that I was responsible for this innocent, beautiful being that was coming into the world. So, it was at this point that I started asking myself questions. Questions such as: who am I, where have I come from and what do I want, in this journey we are embarking upon together? That was an incredible turning point for me. So, my first book, 100 Promises to My Baby, actually started out as my pregnancy journal because I knew the time would come when I would want to share these stories with my daughter. I started writing it, and then, I got busy with the work of actually having a baby. Being consumed with that, I put the diary aside. Before I knew it, two years passed and things had begun to settle down again. So, I took it out again, and literally the week I took it out again, I learned I was pregnant with my second daughter.

Kathryn: Oh, my word! That’s definitely Spirit at work!

Mallika: Yes, exactly…it was really a lovely experience because I was able to sell the book after having that special time of writing it while I was pregnant with my daughter, Tara. And then, there I was pregnant again, and it turned out to be a very magical time in my life.

Kathryn: In the forward, to 100 Promises to My Baby, your father writes that the thoughts and intentions of the pregnant mother truly affect the well-being of the baby growing inside of her. With that in mind, Mallika, did you put into practice any special exercises, on a daily basis that helped you to remain calm and centered while pregnant?

Mallika: Again, I grew up in a family that believed strongly in consciously setting intentions and that’s why this book is about making promises. And, you know, what I also felt was critical was meditation. I was five months pregnant on September 11th and we feared that my brother was on one of the planes involved. For over two hours we were frantically looking for him. Besides that my Mom was on a plane and my Dad was on a plane so, it turned out to be a very stressful day. As a result, I wound up in the hospital two days later. I think it was from all the stress. So, again, that tied into being pregnant and I wanted to make sure I provided what I could in terms of emotional and spiritual stability for my daughter. Therefore again, meditation was critical. And then, I think generally just the idea of promises or intents provide for me an anchor for how I want to serve. In the very same way that a meditation mantra helps you to silence yourself, intents or promises in my book help to create an anchor. And once you set that intention, you start acting on it as well. This is really one of the important lessons my father has taught me throughout my life.

Kathryn: That is so wonderful to hear, Mallika. You know, becoming a new parent can be overwhelming, at best. No matter how many books we read or how well prepared we think we are, that very first time, you have no idea what’s coming at you! So, what was the very best advice your parents gave you during the turbulent time in your life?

Mallika: First of all, I don’t think advice was as important as them being there. In Indian tradition, which I followed after having my baby, the girl’s Mom takes over. So, my Mom was there for me the whole time. Basically, I moved back in with her, for the first six weeks, after having my first daughter. Afterwards, I went back and finished my MBA so, at that time I had my mother, my mother-in-law and my Mom’s sister who all took turns taking care of me and my daughter. There was such a strong tradition of Moms being with me and I got advice from everyone as I struggled with breast feeding and with being exhausted, and thinking that my life was over (laughter)! Having these Moms in my life, who were there with me to take care of me, made all the difference. You know, different people have their own traditions, but if there was a piece of advice that I got from my Mom, it was listen to and trust your gut. Because everybody is going to have an opinion and give you advice, but if you get mired in trying to do what everybody tells you, instead of trusting your instincts, you will forget to honor yourself.

Kathryn: I’ve read about the Indian tradition of the 42 days that a new mother spends with her mother, or other nurturing women, in order to give her a chance to recover fully from childbirth. She is cared for and nurtured fully to prepare her for life with the baby. You know, that sounds like a lovely tradition that women, from all backgrounds, would fully embrace, if given the opportunity. Did you get to see your husband during this time?

Mallika: Yes. Of course, when I had the baby, he was there. He was also in the midst of starting a new job so, fortunately, my Mom lives in San Diego (we lived in LA) and he was able to visit us every weekend. We come from similar backgrounds and therefore, he understood that this was a time for me to be together with my mother to really focus on taking care of me and what I needed, in addition to what my baby needed.

Kathryn: How did your meet your husband?

Mallika: I was working at MTV in India. I spent a few years living there and we met at a party. Yeah, we met and decided to get married within four months. We got married a year later and we’ve been married for thirteen years.

Kathryn: Had your husband been to the United States before you met him?

Mallika: Yes, he went to college in the US, and then, moved back to India. We got married kind of young and we just let life take its course, without planning too much. But as it turned out, we both came back to the US together and went to Kellogg to get our MBAs.

Kathryn: Isn’t that wonderful! What is your husband doing now?

Mallika: He’s a venture capitalist. He invests in early stage companies.

Kathryn: Do you plan to have any more children?

Mallika: I think we are done. We are so blessed with the two beautiful daughters we have.

Kathryn: Oh yes, indeed! You are truly blessed. And as a working mother, Mallika, how do you find the balance?

Mallika: This is my big challenge and it’s actually what I’m thinking of writing my next book about. I’m finding that with every Mom I know, whether they are working or not, is struggling with balance. So, I think what we need today is to start thinking about what that balance is and how we can define it for ourselves. I did not work for the first six years or so, and I was able to write my books. But it was a very nice situation because I could be at home. I have a wonderful nanny who has been with me since my elder daughter was born and she is more like a family member than anything else. I’ve had that support system from the start. Then, a year ago, when my younger one started pre-school, I thought, oh… I’ll start Intent.com. Of course, I didn’t realize this would mean I’d have less time for myself. It’s like a constant search for daily balance and a question of making choices, not sacrifices. So, I wind up making choices on a daily basis. Choices such as not going out in the evening, not traveling too much as I need to or networking as much as I’d like. I’m constantly trying to find the right balance for me.

Kathryn: Do you think you’ve found the right formula for that? Is it about being more organized or more focused on what you want to accomplish each day?

Mallika: Yes, I think that one of the reasons I want to write this next book is that I don’t have any solutions right now. By nature I am not a very organized person and I think that is hurting me actually. So, that is one thing I am trying to implement in my own life. A lot of it, like I said before, is about making choices instead of sacrifices. You see, so many mothers are dealing with guilt, all the time. How we can emotionally release that guilt is one of the areas where I will concentrate since that is one of the things I’m working on in my own life, right now.

Kathryn: I truly adore your idea of making choices instead of sacrifices because it’s all about our priorities, about what is important and what is more important, in our lives. Every parent knows that on any given day, you might have the very best plans mapped out, but if the baby gets sick, everything has to be put on hold until she’s better.

Mallika: Yes, exactly. I had a whole schedule in place this morning, but my daughter is not feeling well and needs to be home. So, I am working around that…we’ll figure it out.

Kathryn: Then, on top of that, not only do you have to find the balance between work and family, but you have the added pressure of finding the balance between children and husband.

Mallika: Absolutely! I know, and we are also struggling with that, ourselves. Of course, most of my friends, who have young kids, are struggling as well. That is a very common theme; often your husband is the last one on your list. And that’s not healthy for anybody.

Kathryn: No, it’s not. So, do you have “date night” with Sumant? Or do you spend one weekend a month alone, just the two of you?

Mallika: No, we don’t do the date night thing as so many people do. I think it is very valuable and many have benefited from that greatly in their personal relationship. However, if my husband and I have the choice, we always want to be with the kids. So, we are always planning more family activities. Yet, we are very fortunate that both my Mom, well both my parents actually, although my dad travels quite a bit, come to be with the children a lot. It’s usually not a planned thing, but that gives us a chance to get out more than enough because we have such a supportive family.

Kathryn: That is beautiful, and so good to hear. But tell me what you do to just nurture Mallika?

Mallika: Wow that is a good question because after the husband we always come very last! Starting back to work formally was a mental decision I made for my own well-being. By nature, I am a very entrepreneurial person and I’d been feeling that itch and really needed to do that for myself. Another I’ve started to do consciously more of is making an effort to just go for a walk or a run, in order to have a quiet moment. I grew up meditating, but again, quite honestly in the house with the kids and the craziness all the time, it’s hard to find that quiet space or quiet corner. So, I found that going out for a walk gives me, not only good exercise, but also that mental stability I need. There are even some days when I play hooky from work, while the kids are at school, to go have lunch with a friend. No matter what moms are doing, to take time for themselves, I know it is imperative they do it on a regular basis. Otherwise, I am a perfect example of someone who feels too stretched too much of the time. That can be quite exhausting - physically, mentally and emotionally.

Kathryn: There is no doubt about that. As a young mother, I often found myself pushing myself to my limits, to the point I would end up sick. I learned over time how very important it is to take care of myself with the same love and tenderness I exhibited towards my children. That old saying is still true: you simply can’t give from an empty cup. As the anchor of the entire family, we are obliged to be at our best, and that isn’t possible if we’re not taking good care of ourselves. Now, to change the subject slightly, Mallika; when you, and your brother, were growing up, through your father, you met hundreds of fascinating people. Is there anyone who impressed you or motivated you in a big way?

Mallika: Another great question! We were very fortunate to meet a lot of great people from all walks of life and lots of celebrities. I remember when I was 12 or 13, I was studying classical Indian dance and I performed for Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jackson and George Harrison. And we knew these people more like family members. We also met lots of politicians. As far as gurus are concerned, I spent a lot of time with Marishi Maresh Yogi. He definitely had a huge influence over me in terms of meditation and my family. Honestly, though, if I had to think of the people who affected me the most, I don’t even know if I have names for them. You see, people came to my father, oftentimes, when they were going through a major life transformation after being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, or when someone close to them had died or if they’d gone through a divorce. So, I think, for me it was most influential to witness their personal journey. Although it was difficult, I would see that once they’d come through it, they were happier and more balanced. So, I was most impressed by the people who came through my Dad’s world who were not afraid to embrace their shadow, or the difficult situations in their lives.

Kathryn: So, you got to witness, up close and personal, the strength and triumph of the human spirit in the wake of life’s most devastating circumstances…

Mallika: Yes! So while it was always fun to meet celebrities per se, it was even more important to see that my Dad could help them. And they were able to find peace and solace in life despite upheaval. This is something that has really influenced my worldview.

Kathryn: So, if you had to articulate the one, most important, life lesson you learned from your Mom, what would it be?

Mallika: My mother has influenced me most through her nurturing. She has taught me what it means to be a mother. For her, that’s what defines her and it is richer than anything else anyone could do in their life.

Kathryn: Did she ever work outside the home?

Mallika: No, she did not. She has always been the anchor, for not only our immediate family, but for our extended family in India as well. She is the one who takes care of everyone and everything.

Kathryn: How wonderful…your mother sounds like my kind of woman! And what about your Dad? What’s the most important life lesson you’ve learned from him?

Mallika: My father was always full of such great wisdom, and yet, what I valued the most was that he taught my brother and I to pursue what we loved to do and then success would follow. In India, that is called dharma, finding your purpose in life. In that way, my Dad has always encouraged us to follow and seek what we feel happiest doing.

Kathryn: And have you determined your purpose in life?

Mallika: I think it’s always changing. Well, there is no question that my number one purpose is to be a good Mom to my children. It’s taken me a while, but what I’m finding with Intent.com is that I love to bring people together. I’ve been gifted with knowing many people, and what we are trying to do at Intent.com is bring all these voices, and stories and sharing together in one place. So that has definitely become part of my role in life.

Kathryn: And how did Intent.comcome into being?

Mallika: It is really the manifestation of a blog I started, which included my brother, Gotham, me and my Dad. Then we invited more and more people to write with us.

Kathryn: Basically, the site is a place where people can go to write their intentions?

Mallika: Yes, the site has different aspects to it. We have over three hundred experts; people who write about personal, social and global wellness. For one, people can come to find great content there. And two, as I found growing up, it was people who were on an individual journey who had the most incredible gems of wisdom. So really anybody can share their stories and write on Intent.com. But the whole site is built around intents and stating your intents. I’m finding that is one of the most vital because as people state their intents, other people support them and we send content related to it, etc. So, in this way we can create very positive, supportive and nurturing energy around people’s intents.

Kathryn: Mallika, it’s obvious that what you are doing through the nurturing qualities of Intent.com is huge. It’s been said that the qualities of motherhood are key to the survival of our planet. Which qualities do you think are imperative in that regard?

Mallika: Ultimately, and at the risk of sounding sappy, I think we all have to come from a place of love. As I’ve tried to share in my books, we need the love that has no interpretation, love that is purely emotional. We have to embrace that love and share it, not only with our family, but with our community.

Kathryn: I would imagine that is one of the most important lessons you would like to teach your girls as well.

Mallika: Oh, yes! Kathryn: Your Mom and Dad’s generation will be known historically as the one that ushered in the New Age with spirituality, demonstrations for peace and alternative medicine. What do you think will be the legacy of your generation?

Many of my Dad’s colleagues have found that technology has raced so fast ahead of them that their wisdom is there, but I am hoping in the future it’s more about individuals connecting and sharing wisdom. Technology does that very well. I’ve been doing podcasts recently and I did one with the founder of Green Peace. He shared that in the beginning, Green Peace was concerned with nuclear weapons and what was happening in the Cold War, etc. Today, we are dealing with environmental issues and what exactly we are going to be leaving to our children and grandchildren because Planet Earth is definitely ailing. Historically, countries and cultures were more isolated, but with modern technology and travel, we are such a global society. So, our generation, with all the challenges facing us, will be about building bridges across cultures and religions. I believe having a president, like Barack Obama, who represents so much diversity, ethnically and culturally, is very inspirational. So, I believe my generation will be remembered for building bridges across nationalities, cultures and ethnicities as well as across Mother Earth, herself.

Kathryn: Such a poignant answer, thank you. I understand what you view as intrinsically valuable in technology and I’d like you to address something that I often ponder. I notice younger people spending more and more time in front of the computer, visiting with friends, playing games, conversing in chat rooms and even scouting for marriage partners, that sometimes I’m concerned by the growing lack of personal, one on one contact with real live people.

Mallika: Well, I think one generation is always fearful of what they aren’t used to or a new way of doing things. Even my daughter is sitting on the computer, right now, and writing her essays for school. But ultimately, I know that personal interaction is critical to bringing a sense of fullness to life as well. As parents, it’s our responsibility to see that our kids don’t sit at the computer all day. And we can only teach this by our example. I’ve been guilty, myself, of being online all the time. Now I am trying to discipline myself to simply turn the computer off when I’m with my children. That way I’m being a responsible example for my daughters as opposed to being fearful of technology and the new way of doing things.

Kathryn: With all the many fearful things happening around the world today, do you look to the future with great hope?

Mallika: As I said, 9/11 was a very stressful day for me as I was five months pregnant bringing my baby into a very uncertain world. So, I do get fearful. Yet, at the same time feel we have to be hopeful, and we have to nurture one another. I am very hopeful that President Obama is more than just a president of a country. What he’s brought the world is a sense of hope. He represents a new mythology which is very empowering to all sorts of people. Of course, it is not up to one person to make things better in our world. However, I think one person can energize change, globally, because I don’t believe it’s only Americans who needed that recharging. President Obama also represents taking personal responsibility. That’s what excited so many younger people and inspired them to become involved in his movement. Younger people thought, okay, enough is enough: this is our future, let us take control of it! And in part, that is what drove him to the presidency.

Kathryn: Oh, no doubt about that! My daughter, Alysia, is working on her MPA and she went all the way to Washington, D.C. to stand in the freezing cold to see her new president sworn into office! It was very thrilling to see the undaunted enthusiasm of all the young people of our country during this election campaign. Okay, one last question for you, Mallika. Our mutual friend, Michael Beckwith, has said that we all have a responsibility to leave our footprint on this Earth. What do you want your footprint to look like, Mallika?

Mallika: Michael is wonderful and very close to my father as well. He has great wisdom. I would say that footprint can be one that you leave with your family as well or with your children. I don’t think we all have to strive to be a Michael Beckwith or Deepak Chopra in the world. But, I totally get that because there’s always so much expectation of me and my brother. So, I’d say that if I can nurture my children and teach them to be secure, confident and loving individuals, then I will have made a very important footprint on the world and the greatest legacy I could leave.

Kathryn: Oh, Mallika, that is a perfect way to end this interview. May you have a beautiful Mother’s Day! Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.